I would've been happy with one of these. Seriously.
I am seriously considering calling Barbara Boxer to see if she might be interested in kicking some Oregon ass. Seriously.
This weekend the best boyfriend in the world took me to his hometown of Coos Bay, Oregon to visit his family.
Turns out there's something of a minor lighthearted feud going on between his niece and her grandfather, who lives next door. He's voting for the GOP, and has posted a McCain/Palin sign in the corner of the yard facing sweet Brook's house, just to get her Obama lovin' goat.
We told Brook she needed an Obama lawn sign. So we started looking for one to swipe. Seriously.
It was kinda hard. There's apparently a lot of McCain/Fey supporters in Coos Bay. Everywhere you look, McCain signs. Very rare is a declared Democrat. We did see a few lawn signs, but it was apparent from their proximity to McCain lawn sign clusters that they were guarding very important territory. What we were really hoping for was to find the Frank Tredway of the Southern Oregon coast...the kind of person who would have 11 or 12 Obama signs placed throughout the property. One on the porch, one in the window, another on the white picket fence, you get my drift. Somebody who wouldn't miss the disappearance of just one sign for a really good cause.
So this morning we went to the mall to get my sweet boyfriend a new cell phone case. Apparently the velcro in the old one has worn out because he's spending so much time on the phone with his girlfriend.
But I digress.
There's an Obama office in the mall. And it's walls are covered with Obama '08 signs. Just what we were looking for!
We walked in, and said, "Hey, can we get an Obama yard sign? We really need one."
A 50ish guy with a pink beard (Seriously. I wouldn't kid you about this stuff, you know that!) says, "Well here's what you do. Head on down to the other end of the mall to the Democrat Headquarters, they should have one there. They were closed a few minutes ago, but they should be there now. Or soon."
We're wondering why they don't just give us one. They've got plenty, they're all over the walls. I try to talk them out of one. He stands his ground, pointing towards the other end of the mall.
But my sweet boyfriend, he doesn't complain. He heads down there while I browse Sam Goody. Then returns 5 minutes later, empty handed.
"Closed. Nobody's there."
Well, it is Sunday. Normally I'd agree that this is a day of rest. But for Obama's sake people, there's like 10 shopping days til election! It's time to get serious, folks. Seriously!
So we head back to the Obama office and report the awful news. And then we say again, "So can you just give us one? We really want it. We're just trying to spread the good word here. You know, furthering the cause."
They said, "You'll just hafta wait til the Democrat office opens. They have the lawn signs."
"Yeah, but so do you....can't you just give us that one over there, one of the 12 you've got on the wall?"
"Gosh, sorry," pinkbeard says. "No can do."
"Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!"
We turned around and walked off empty handed, absolutely stunned that these guys were so sphincter tight with the signs that they couldn't give us one, and go replenish their supplies when the
real Democrats arrived to work, fashionably late, whenever that was.
If McCain and his minion win the election because the Republican vote on the Southern Oregon coast tipped the scales in his favor, I'm blaming ol' Pinkbeard for being stingy with the Obama lawn signs. If he turned me down, how many other people did he send away who were begging for signs?
I'm thinking of calling Barbara Boxer and informing her that the people running the Obama office in Coos Bay are sleeper agents for the Republican Party; working hard to keep Obama lawn signs out of Coos Bay.
I just can't think of any other reason they wouldn't just give us the stupid cardboard sign.
It's just stupid enough to make me want to vote for McCain out of spite for the pink bearded guy.
OK, just kidding. But if McCain wins, I'm personally blaming that guy at the Pony Village mall.
Remember: 50's, tall, pink beard. Hard to miss. Sticks out like a sore thumb in Coos Bay. Kinda like a Democrat would.